When I was single, I was never that into kids. It's okay to play with them for a while but I never imagined myself spending the whole day with them. You see, I'm not into people who can't follow instructions easily. This is the same reason why I don't like taking care of animals.
But of course I've always dreamt of having my own family. I remember I had this old maid teacher in college who would brag about her achievements in life. As I listened to her, I was so sure that I don't ever want to be like her...my life will be incomplete without my own family. Having my own happy family became my greatest dream.
And so I was blessed to fall in love with a man who loved me in return and we got married. We never planned to have a baby right away. In fact, my period was already a month late before I decided to take a home pregnancy test...It was positive. But I was doubtful of the result (or I was just in denial), that I went to Patient's First and have them do the pregnancy test for me...again it was positive. Even with that, I still thought it may not be accurate since it was also just a urine test. Finally, I went to an OB Gyne, showed her the result and she scheduled me for an untrasound. It was only when I've actually viewed it on the monitor did I believe that I was pregnant. I wasn't happy, I wasn't excited, I didn't want to be pregnant. I don't know why God gifted me with a baby so soon. But then the people around me - my family, my in-laws, my officemates were all so happy and excited for me that it was hard to remain disappointed. Pregnancy was a breeze, very seldom did I have morning sickness or cramps, no complications whatsoever. And so the excitement finally sinked in and on August 2002, I gave birth to Yuan- made in Manila Hotel on the night after our wedding....kasama na pala namain siya sa honeymoon sa Palawan. :)
After giving birth, I was so sure that I would return to work after my maternity leave...and so I did. I loved my job and never thought that I would ever give it up. But as months draw by, my priorities changed. I was missng Yuan so much while I was at work, I regret missing his milestones. To add to that, workload has become quite heavy and for some reason, I could never get a permanent yaya...I had 3 in one year! And so on September 1st 2003, the day my promotion to Senior Team Lead took effect, I passed my resignation letter. I left a very promising career because I wanted to be a fulltime mom. A lot of people say "sayang" but I don't agree. Some people take it as I'm sacrificing my career for my son...but I view things the other way around - I was sacrificing the time I should be spending with my son for mere career and money. It all boils down to what's important to you. It took several months of prodding before Paul allowed me to resign because for him, his salary alone won't be enough for us to live a comfortable life but I was ready for the change in lifestyle. As if God was on our side, a few weeks after I resigned Paul got a job offer in Singapore and we stayed there from 2003-2005. To be a fulltime mom is a privilege not every one has because some really need to work to provide for their family. God has given that privilege to me, and I'm glad I took it. :)
Our two years in Singapore was a very challenging adventure. You see, I was a lazy child. So lazy that I would complain about simple household work like washing the dishes. But when we lived in Singapore, I had to do everything as we didn't have a maid. It was difficult, it was challenging, but at the same time, it was bliss, an ideal family setup, a dream come true. I was a fulltime mom in the very essence of that term. And God was so good that he gave me a well behaved child and a very supportive husband. I guess He really wanted me to enjoy motherhood. :)
By November 2005, Paul's contract ended and we decided to just go back here in Manila. I want Yuan to study here as studying in Singapore is very demanding. Paul was back to his old job and life was easier especially with a maid around. January 2007, I got pregnant again. It was a planned pregnancy. We wanted to have a baby girl. I even checked a Chinese calendar to know which months to conceive a girl. Pregnancy was a bit difficult this time. Morning sickness galore, and I feel like throwing up upon smelling several types of food. I was so convinced I would have a baby girl. Apparently, I was wrong and again, was disappointed. But after several weeks, I was able to accept my fate. I gave birth to Yuro September 2007. I may not have been given a baby girl but God made up for it as He gave me one that's so cute and so "bibo" :)
It's been said that when you're pursuing your destiny, all of nature conspire to help you achieve it. For the past seven years, I felt God has been in control of my life...and I'm not complaining. I planned to get back to work last April but my maid left and even now I still haven't gotten a replacement yet. Maybe, God wants me to a be fulltime mom a little longer but I know it's not gonna be forever, and I'm enjoying it while it lasts....
Seven years ago, I made a decision that changed my life, and I'm glad I did because:
- I witnessed every milestone that my children reached
- I was there to comfort them everytime they're sick
- I was able to take care of their every need. Even with a maid around I was the one bathing my children, sterilizing bottles and putting milk in the dispensers, giving them vitamins/medicines, preparing their meals, helping Yuan in schoolwork and getting him ready for school, potty training, etc.
- I'm there whenever they need assistance, and in their age they still need a lot of it.
- I don't think I'll be this close to them if I had been a working mom
- I have a lot of memories to treasure
- Yuan and Yuro will only be kids for a few years, and I'm happy to have been a great part of it.
Thank you Lord for the privilege...
Thank you Paul, for the understanding and support....
Thank you Yuan and Yuro for an experience that no amount of money or success could ever match.
To all fulltime moms that I get to interact with - through Facebook and in Yuan's school, you have all been an inspiration to me (without you knowing it). I hope more women will get to experience the joy and fulfillment that motherhood brings. :)